Amy and Frank fled down the stairs from her office and met an unexpected obstacle to their exit, a locked door. As they peered out the window, they saw yesterday’s Amy pull up in the parking space, get out, retrieve her laptop, and start to head in the front door.

“Oh good, we can take your car”, said Frank.

Amy took a second to recover from the shock of seeing what her hair really looked like from behind and then asked, “But, how can we get to it? The door is locked, and we can’t go back up to the office… I would meet myself.”

Frank smiled, pulled out the Hitchhiker’s Guide to Clojure and pulled up a page with the heading Locked Doors and Other Small Bothers.

One of the reasons for the surprising success of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Clojure is helpful advice of on an assortment of practical matters.

Locked doors are a common nuisance in modern times. Fortunately, Clojure provides a very handy function for such occasions, fnil. This commonly overlooked function, takes an existing function and returns a new function that allows you to specify a default for a nil parameter. For example, take this locked door:

In this case, the simple application of fnil will help remove this pesky obstacle.

Please be advised, that some doors are locked for a good reason. It is left to the user’s discretion. But it is highly recommended in Norway’s moose regions, to think twice.

They unlocked the door and headed for Amy’s car. She couldn’t decide whether she was surprised or not to find her keys in her pocket, so she gave up and just got in instead. After a short drive, they arrived at the zoo and navigated their way through various school groups and arrive at the Aquarium.

Amy at this point, having prided herself on her adaptable nature, was still having trouble processing the latest events. She had discovered that Frank was a Datomic time traveller, the world was made of Clojure, and it was also about to be destroyed in a short future that she just came from. Her rational brain, (which was currently working way too hard), was quite relieved to be distracted by the sight of two really adorable otters. They were floating contentedly around the pool, occasionally stopping to crack an Abalone shell on their fuzzy tummies.

Her rational brain, after having a nice breather, finally re-asserted itself and made Amy ask Frank:

“Why are we here?”

“Otters are the front-line Chrono-guards, of course.”

He went on to explain that otters are tasked with the important job of keeping a close watch on human civilization and making critical, minor adjustments to keep things on an even track. All those nature videos of otters cracking shells with rocks? They are really evaluating Clojure expressions crucial to our way of life. Most of the time, they prefer to do their work remote. They find floating on their backs in the peaceful waters the most productive work environment. However, sometimes they will construct zoos or aquariums, when their work requires them to keep a closer watch on some areas. In times of great need, they might even take a human form for a short while. Recently, one of their agents was inadvertently exposed and required a few extra Abalone shells to straighten out.

Frank opened his pack and handed his evaluator to Amy to hold while fished out four mini-marshmallows. He gave two to Amy and then proceeded to put one in his ear and the other in his mouth. More remarkably still, he appeared to be speaking with the otters.

Mini-marshmallows are the best way to create portable Clojure core.async channels that won’t melt in your hands.

To construct a channel simply use chan

Channels by default are unbuffered, which keeps them at the mini-marshmallow size. It requires a rendezvous of a channel producer and consumer to communicate. In the case of otters, someone to talk to the otters and the otters, themselves, to listen. Be advised that with a regular blocking put >!!, the main thread will be blocked. That is, if you try to speak to the otter, you will be stuck there until it gets around to listening. This isn’t the best case for the talker if the otter was busy, so one approach would be to use a future to talk to the otter with a blocking put >!!.

One could also use a buffered channel, but that increases the size of the marshmallow.

The best way to conserve space and time is to use asynchronous communication with go blocks that wont’ block the threads. Inside these go blocks one can use regular non-blocking puts >! and gets <!.

This compact, lightweight, and asynchronous method of communication is well suited to conversations and messaging of all sorts, including conversing with human, animals, and other Clojure-based life forms.

Amy put one of the mini-marshmallows in her ear. She immediately began to hear the conversation that Frank was having with the otters.

“But who would want to destroy the entire world? That is really kinda over-board.”

“I don’t really know, but there was someone on Galactic Hacker News the other day that was quite tiffed over the idea that Clojure was considered a Lisp.”

Amy reached to put the other marshmallow in her mouth to ask a very important question. But unfortunately, as she moved her hand, she accidentally pushed the big red Source button on the evaluator. Suddenly, she and Frank were swept up in a vortex that spun them around and sucked them down into the ground.